27 Jan 5 Stages of Emotional Acceptance of your Autoimmune Diagnosis
Getting an autoimmune diagnosis can create a confusing whirlwind of emotions.
On the one hand, there’s a sense of relief because you can finally put a name to all the chaos your body’s been through. After months or even years of fighting to have your voice heard, it can feel vindicating to finally be told your concerns were well founded.
On the other hand, it can feel like you’ve been hit by a freight train. The realization that there is no “cure” for what ails you eventually sinks in.
You think to yourself…
What’s going to happen to me?
What will I have to give up?
Who will I be now?
When you lose a loved one, you learn to continue living through the pain. But what happens when we lose ourselves?
The Autoimmune Identity Crisis
Discovering that you have an autoimmune disorder can trigger a sort of identity crisis – one that may be traumatic for you as well as your family. Depending on how severe your symptoms are, the person you were – the person they knew – can seemingly disappear overnight.
You WANT to enjoy life as it was, along with all the foods or activities that may no longer be feasible for you.
You WANT to be as active as you used to be, but you can’t muster up the energy.
Learning to let go of the past and embrace this new you isn’t easy. But you are so much more than your diagnosis and your chronic illness doesn’t have to be a life sentence. It can be an incredible opportunity to transform your life and to find deeper fulfillment in all you do. If you let it.
Similar to the five stages of grief, the emotional acceptance journey can be broken down into 5 stages:
Stage 1: Questioning
It’s normal to question news you don’t want to believe. Our minds race to find every flaw in the doctor’s reasoning or every chink in the diagnosis armor. We don’t want the news to be true so we will go to great lengths to reason why it isn’t. Plus, doctors are human, and humans make mistakes, so questioning a diagnosis is only natural. Allow yourself the time to question, but ultimately you have to move past questioning and evaluate the facts.
Stage 2: Bargaining
Once you accept that the diagnosis is real, you move on to bargaining. You beg to go back in time. You will take better care of your body this go around! You will be a better person, if you could just try again. During this phase, many feel the need to push themselves physically. As if exercising to the point of pain and exhaustion is somehow going to “fix” them. While creating a realistic exercise plan is a great idea, pushing yourself too hard will cause added flare ups and more emotional strain. Take it easy, there is no magic cure. Which brings us to stage three…
Stage 3: Mourning
It may be painful to accept, but if you’re suffering from autoimmune or some other chronic illness, there is no “cure.” There are treatments that can dramatically improve your quality of life, but during the mourning stage, you may feel like there is no point in fighting an “unwinnable” battle.
You pull the covers over your head and wallow in the pain.
You berate and try to blame yourself for something beyond your control.
You give up on the healthy practices you used to enjoy because they’re too much work because – in your mind – they won’t make a difference anyway.
This is the most difficult step to work through, by far. Many find themselves stuck here longer than for any other step. Without outside support, some can get stuck here indefinitely. One way to start working your way out of this depressive mindset is to conquer negative self-talk. I strongly recommend that you read the blog I wrote all about how you can learn to flip the script if you find yourself lingering at this stage.
Whatever you do, don’t let yourself wallow here. You deserve a life of light, joy, purpose, and connection. So take my hand and let’s move forward. Together.
Stage 4: Emotional Acceptance
Acceptance is hard, but it’s significantly better than fighting the facts. Truly accepting that your life post-diagnosis will not be the same as it was before can be an immensely liberating step.
At this stage, you come to fully believe that – even though you are not the same as you were before – you are not lost. “I am different than I was and that’s ok,” is a mantra that has gotten many through the darkest of times. From here, we can move on to the next and final step of the emotional journey which is understanding.
Stage 5: Understanding
Understanding who you are going to be from that day on is the last part of your autoimmune journey. From here, we can begin to shape our new lives anew. Discerning what our bodies are capable of doing now – what works and what doesn’t – as well as how to become the healthiest and happiest version of your new self is a fluid process that will ebb and flow as life tends to.
An autoimmune diagnosis IS life-changing. It is not life-ending.
You don’t have to do it alone.
As someone who’s been through this journey myself, I’m here to tell you that you do have the courage, the strength, and the grit to get through this. It may seem impossible at times but you are capable of finding the purpose and peace you deserve.
But you don’t have to do it alone.
Even though coming to terms with your diagnosis can feel incredibly lonely at times, you are NOT alone in your healing. There are thousands of other women like you, undergoing this same grieving, healing, and empowering process.
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